Last week I had a case of the “vulnerability blues.” My palms were sweaty, my heart raced, my stomach churned and a voice inside my head said over and over: “You call yourself a writer? Who are you kidding?” Yes, it was bad. When this blog went live on the Sister Writes website with a comments section attached, I felt exposed and unprotected. I hadn’t expected this reaction. I love creating these blog posts and I don’t seriously doubt my ability to write. I was thrown off balance. I went back to my post, “One Change”, where I talked about fear and trusting yourself enough to keep writing. I do trust myself enough to keep writing, but is it always going to be this way? If we choose a creative life does that mean we must dance with vulnerability?
I decided to do a little digging on the subject of the “V” word. Brene Brown, vulnerability researcher and author of Daring Greatly says: “Vulnerability is the birthplace of creativity and innovation…without vulnerability you cannot create.” Is she right? Think about the meaning of this word. To be vulnerable is to be- sensitive, tender, accessible, wide open. The opposite of vulnerable is- immune, guarded, practising avoidance. If you want your writing to move others then it must come from the tender, sensitive, unprotected places inside of you.
This is not always an easy task. The word vulnerable can have a negative connotation; it can be equated with shame and weakness. You may have heard the phrase, as I did growing up, “don’t air your dirty laundry in public.” You may also be living with the notion that it is not okay to fail. I understand. We don’t do failure well in our society. But that old saw, “you learn from your mistakes” is true. Perfection is not the goal. Becoming a better writer is a process. And one of the learning curves along the way is coming to terms with vulnerability.
In the Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron writes: “we unrealistically expect and demand success from ourselves and recognition of that success from others.” This kind of thinking can stop you from creating. If you are not willing to risk writing badly then you risk never accomplishing all that you are capable of. And more importantly, you risk missing out on happiness. Cameron suggests that one way to ease yourself into the vulnerability dance is to “take a risk a day.” Practice doing something outside of your comfort zone. It can be as simple as writing in a coffee shop you’ve never visited before, or taking a different route home or writing about something that scares you.
The hardest action to take, is sharing your writing with the outside world. I want you to know that it is natural to feel fear. I was in that place last week. So why do it? Why are we talking about vulnerability and taking risks? Because deciding to play it safe has consequences. If you are having trouble finishing a writing project, you may be practising avoidance. An unfinished piece doesn’t demand to be shared. If you are writing round and round a subject but can’t seem to get at the heart of it, you may be sidestepping vulnerability. At the end of the day, if you want to be able to say that you did all you could as a writer then you need to dance with vulnerability.
Bestselling Canadian author, poet, actor, and singer, Jack Whyte was asked in a recent interview, “What is the best advice you’ve ever received?” His answer: “A respected friend and elder once told me…the majority of men…never really achieve any fulfillment or satisfaction because they’re afraid to break out of their routine and try something different, something new and exciting and therefore terrifying.” Whyte said his success has come because he has been unafraid to continually try new things.
You cannot control how others see your work. What you can control is the decision to go ahead and step up and out and practise your art anyway. Because every time you write and you find the courage to share your writing, you are helping another writer find her voice too. You are dancing with vulnerability and smoothing the way for others to do the same.
Here is your task for this week:
- Ask yourself this question: “If I didn’t have to do it perfectly, I would write about…”
Then start writing, for 10 minutes, not lifting your pen from the page.
- Share something you’ve written with one person; then write about the experience.
Til next time, keep writing.